Happenings at the Cafe
by TripWire- dono
Summary: Our taichous are unwinding at a local cafe in Seireitei. oh dear...Looks like Amagai has caught a disease and Ukitake and Shunsui are getting yelled at by Hitsugaya. Alcoholic much? R&R! NONYAOI


**Thank god I actually found the time to create another one-shot! You know what I noticed?? There aren't enough stories on the Shinigamis' everyday lives. I mean, It's not ALL about fighting Aizen, Espadas, Arrancar and the lot. Plus the old guy trying to take over the Kasumi-Ouji clan.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach and its characters WARNING I don't own Amagai Taichou as well, he is an actual real character in case people don't know.**

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Ukitake and Unohana were having a lovely drink at the local café. They were catching up on what's been happening around Seireitei. It's not everyday that captains get to unwind. The Orihime Retrieval project was a complete success. Grimmjaw was sliced up by the legendary Ichigo Kurosaki and Nel was taken back with the team.

"So anyway, did you know that Matsumoto adopted Nel? When I first heard it from Renji, I almost dropped the tuberculosis vaccine vial", Unohana chuckled a little.

"Thank god you didn't", Ukitake sighed. He fiddled with his drink before he asked:

"Umm…I've been meaning to ask you this. What was that you were drinking?"

"Oh this?", Unohana held up a glass filled with orange-yellowish liquid.

"It was given to me by Orihime san", she said.

Ukitake's eyes widen a fraction. Any food or beverage concocted by Orihime should be buried in the ground where it can't hurt anybody.

"It is powdered orange juice. It was meant to be her school project"

"Pulverised fruit? These humans will stop at nothing!"

"Don't worry, you haven't seen what they do to the meat yet"

"I'm not sure I want to…", the 13th Captain brought his sake cup to his lips.

Captain Amagai Shuusuke came their way. He shuffled towards the table and slumped down in the chair beside Unohana.

"My, my Amagai Taichou. I hope your new division has been welcoming you properly" she said.

"Would you like a drink?", Ukitake held up the sake bottle.

"No thanks". His face was pale and gaunt. His eyes looked it hasn't inspected the insides of its eyelids in a long time. His dark brown hair was looked more bedridden than usual and his 5'oclock shadow looked more pronounced.

"Actually I don't feel so well I've seemed to have lost my appetite and it hurts right here". He indicated to the spot just underneath the jaw.

"I'll better take a look at that",

"Owowowowowowowowow!"

Unohana professionally felt the underside of Amagai's jaw. His nose scrunched up in annoyance.

"Hmmm…your glands are like grapefruits",

"Don't tell Orihime san, she'll powder them", Ukitake pointed out.

"Huh?"

"I hate to tell you this but you got the mumps". Unohana announced.

"Correct me if I'm wrong Retsu, but isn't that a disease you get as a child?" Juushiro Asked.

"It is, but adults can get them too if they haven't got them before. Though it's very rare and tend to be a lot worse".

The 4th Taichou helped the 3rd out of his seat since he was too tired to walk on his own. She was planning on taking him to the recovery room, but tried to remember how many beds were occupied by the 11th company shinigamis. She also needed to isolate him too.

"Well, isn't it a little early to get, should I say, 'bagged'?"

Shunsui sauntered into the café and stopped behind his old friends. His lazy smirk on and straw hat always with him. Obviously he hasn't heard the rumour that Amagai Shuusuke, captain of the Third squad gets his foshizzle razza matazzed **(A/N: couldn't help my self X3!!) **out of sake-flavoured pickles.

"FYI, it's not booze that has gotten me in this shape Kyouraku Taichou, it's the mumps", Amagai looked pretty displeased right now.

"HA! A childhood malady? For a man of your advanced years?"

"Between you and the mumps, I'll have the mumps. At least I know, they are going to go away",

"Alright, come along now Amagai Taichou. Excise us Shunsui", Unohana helped the sick captain out of the café doors. Their voices can still be heard.

"You know, I make one tough patient"

"And I make one tough nurse"

Shunsui turned around with a whip of his pink haori and sat in the woman's abandoned seat. He sighed and leant back, enjoying the peace of the quaint place.

"Care for a splash?" the white haired man smiled at his old friend. He held up the jug of sake and poured some more for himself.

"You know, my kidneys were expecting Ribena…silly kidneys", Shunsui leant forward to grab the bottle and took a satisfying swig from it.

"Ahhh…Mother's Milk"

The two captains felt a familiar Reiatsu approaching their sanctuary.

"I think they used some sort of new flavour in this sake Juushiro", Shunsui put on a thoughtful look and smacked his lips.

"Could be the Using- special-rice rumour I heard" suggested Ukitake.

"Who knows"

"I also think winter's approaching".

He was right. The Reiatsu earlier was none other than Hitsugaya Taichou. He strode up to the pair and halted right next to the table. The furniture and walls were getting frost. His face looked actually quiet pissed for some sensible reason.

"Sorry Shiro kun, but I've run out of Buttermenthol", **(A/N: absolutely love that stuff) **He glared at the older men and said:

"I have come on the behalf of Nanao, Rukia, Ichigo, Kuchiki Taichou, Kiyone, Sentarou, Hinamori, Ishida, Orihime, Isane, Hanatarou and myself. We want you to know that they that you two are full-blown alcoholics", Hitsugaya folded his arms into the sleeves of is Shihakushou and waited for an answer.

"So what?"

"From the statistics recorded by Isane of the 4th division, on alcohol and drag abuse, 76,374 Shingamis are alcoholic"

"We do not have a drinking problem. Right Juushiro?"

"Righto"

"They've also included a test", said Hitsugaya. He took out an envelope from his robe and ripped it open. He produced an important piece of paper and flapped it open.

"Too much rice" said Shunsui.

"Not for me, I thought it was a bit lemony than the last time we were here" said Ukitake.

"Hmmm…maybe"

Hitsugaya cleared his throat and said the first question.

"Question 1. Do you think and talk about drinking often?"

"Of course not" said Ukitake

"Hell no" responded Shunsui "I can see what you mean about the lemon taste"

"Do you sometimes gulp drinks?"

The two captains gave each other a knowing look and chugged down their drinks.

"Ah…Never" sighed Ukitake. Hitsugaya was starting to get pretty irritated.

"Do you forget what happened while drinking?"

"What?", was Shunsui's ultra- dumb answer. He looked up at Hitsugaya with a very uninterested face.

He twitched his right brow and growled. "Question 3. Do you often forget what happened while drinking!"

"Wait, what happened to question 2?" Ukitake asked innocently. He scratched his head in wonder and look up at Toushirou's infuriated face.

"He forgot it. He forgets while we drink. The answer to question is no" Shunsui poured himself another cup and did the same for Ukitake.

"There is no question. You two are alcoholics. You drink constantly!"

"All right we drink. We drink so we can get through these lousy 48hr office days" Shunsui sighed exasperatedly.

"We're cold, lonely old" Ukitake contributed.

"Scared, bored, tired"

"Depressed and very drowsy"

"And on top of that, 30 Menos came storming into the tunnel and got their asses kicked by a fresh captain who faints on the smell of alcohol!" Shunsui yelled with great emotion.

"They didn't?!" Ukitake asked unbelievingly.

"Shunsui took another gulp of his drink.

"Yeah"

"We need a drink" Ukitake pointed to the next bottle and Shunsui grabbed. They began to converse among themselves once more, as if Hitsugaya fuming didn't exist.

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS. I'M GONNA GET YAMAMOTO TO DECLARE YOU OFFICES TOTALLY DRY!"

With that the tenth captain left in a flurry of curses and in a violent manner. He stomped down the streets, little wisps of smoke coming out of his ears. He narrowly missed crashing into Kenpachi who was walking out of "Yamanaka's Flower Shop" **(A/N: I know that that's in Konoha, but I still wanna put it in :3).**

"Say, you think I should give Shiro kun more buttermenthol?"

"Yeah, chuck in some TicTac's too"

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**OWARI. Now you understand why I haven't been updating on my HitsuSaku fanfic?? But I promise I will when I have enough time. I will make sure to type like crazy at school when I have the chance TTTT…**

**But you gotta admit that was pretty good. Don't for get to :REVIEW:**

**Also I will write another oneshot concerning Hitsugaya kun's Buttermenthol!! XD**

**JA NA **

**TripWire**


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